A trusted White House cabinet member who wishes to remain anonymous has come forward this morning with shocking revelations about President Donald Trump’s $500 daily habit of snorting an ounce of kief in the morning before tending to national matters.
The source claims, speaker Paul Ryan has been the main culprit in terms of regularly procuring the POTUS fat bags of kief through an old friend, a now distant University of Miami fraternity brother, who according to the source, he’s not allowed to chill with anymore, mainly because his wife is gay about smoking buds.
Ryan, when questioned, claimed he stopped puffing cheeb long ago saying, “I used to a lot, but then I started getting super nervous every time, and it was like, what’s the point?”
Things still remain hazy. Many questions left unanswered.
One last thing, and possibly the most troubling according to our source, is the new proposed kief-tax, where Donald Trump would personally commandeer the bottom part of every American’s grinder and also get to shake any fresh nugs over a screen for five minutes, knocking a decent amount of crystals off every nug, thus making it kinda bogus.